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General Parenting Discussion
Reply to "Parents of boys who became incels"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They need to know that they matter. They need to contribute to the household by doing chores, be involved in volunteer work with the family, get a job when old enough, be part of something. For lots of boys that can be a sports team but it can be any place the boy is recognized as a valuable contributor. Part of that can include recognizing and reinforcing their strengths. That TV show highlighted that the boy and dad kept trying to find sports he was good at and the dad was ashamed of him for not being good at sports. Then the boy found that he was good at drawing but they didn't encourage that. He dropped it as he got sucked into computer/social media/games. What might have been the outcome if he got more recognition of his artistic ability, the parents helped him find art classes outside of school, he got to make drawings for the school newspaper, etc. The book "Never Enough" really focuses on this concept of mattering (for both girls and boys) https://www.thematteringmovement.com/[/quote] This is good advice. I would add, they need to learn to fail, apologize, and not get picked, without it being a crisis. Part of that is experience (letting them fail) but a lot of it is letting them see you fail, and maing sure they see you apologize. And telling them stories about times you were wrong or embarrassed. I learned so much from my dad talking about his own screw-ups, and the ways he hurt people's feelings and they hurt his feelings. [/quote]
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