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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Angry white woman here. Angry because only men get promoted in my department. Women get "mommy tracked," given unchallenging assignments, and not taken seriously or mentored for promotion. I probably WOULD say something about that to a new male employee because 1. I don't give a f***, 2. It's true and 3. Sunshine is the best disinfectant. The more we talk about this kind of thing the closer we get to doing something about it. Discrimination (including unconcious discrimination) against women and minorities SHOULD make men and white people feel uncomfortable.

I don't care if I say something "unprofessional" or appear to have a "chip on my shoulder" because my goose is already cooked. Nothing I say or do will change my career arc at my current job. No woman has made partner in my department since the '90s.

So I guess I'm surprised that so many PPs are piling on against the black woman in PP's post. Haven't some of us ever felt the same way re our gender? Why are we so scared to talk about it? Why put someone down for speaking out? [/quote]

As a woman who has experienced repeated discrimination in my career, I totally appreciate these feelings and the feelings of other posters who express a similar response. I think my main concern with the co-workers statement is that I find that it sets both parties on opposite sides, rather than establishing an alliance, and I think alliances are what we need to end this crap. While it's true that a majority of white people enjoy social privilege -- the homeless come to mind as not so privileged -- a lot of people of both genders and all colors despise those unfair constructs and seek to change them. And some people that you would think would not be racist or sexist, are. So, I think we do need to be careful about when and how and to whom we talk about these things and not assume that someone who looks like/doesn't look like us is "on our team."

Which brings me to my next point, what I heard in that co-workers comment was a rejection and an immediate expectation that the OP would be "them" and the co-worker was "us." (I think that might be why some pps have seen it as hostile.) Further, it sets the OP up to be defensive. So, you immediately start the relationship as members of different tribes. I understand the experience that might lead someone to feel that way, but how is it helpful? And for those of you who say "that's reality," I don't dispute that. But we have been calling each other names and carving out our corners for so darn long on this sh*t. It's gotten us nowhere. I think we all need to focus on what we have in common and cut each other more than a little slack. That includes the OP, who I think would be mistaken to avoid this co-worker as others have encouraged her to do, and those of us who have experienced discrimination. I know that when you live with it daily (as I do in my job) it can get frustrating and really old and one tends to not have a lot of energy to forgive and explain yet again. But in my heart I believe that the ultimate solution to discrimination and bias is sunshine mixed with a lot of goodwill. MLK said that in the end, love always wins. It is our generation's challenge to make sure that happens.[/quote]

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