Reply to Divorce when kids go to college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell me how this works.  You drop them at the dorm then drop the news that mom and dad are divorcing?  Or is there a more in depth plan?[/quote]

Worst idea ever

Do not divorce when they leave for college [/quote]

My freshmen college roommate’s parents did this. Her brother was a junior in college. It messed both of them up.  They were so distraught.  There weren’t signs ahead of it- not that it would matter if there were. I remember she kept saying she felt like her entire childhood was a lie, questioned what was real. [/quote]

Not someone who is in this situation, but I’m genuinely puzzled by this. Presumably people fall in love, get married and have kids. There may be many years of happiness, raising children together. Things change over decades and preparing for an empty nest is a huge transition for most people. I can see how it would be terrible telling them the day you drop them off from college, like you were just holding back and waiting, but I kind of just don’t understand when people divorce after presumably long marriage when children are grown, why the whole childhood would be a lie.

They might have had many years of happiness! Just strange to presume that if someone divorces, it means the minute they find out they they’re pregnant they start hating each other and living a lie. It often doesn’t work like that.

I do think it would be a softer landing to give it some time after kids leave for college, and then say you know in this big transition that Dad and I made we realize we want a different life in our retirement years. Or something like that.

It’s hard, but at some point, we all go through the realization that our parents are actually people, have their own dreams and desires and hopes, and I think if it can be guilt inducing for some to realize that having kids means you often sacrifice a lot. Doesn’t mean that we should always feel guilty about what our parents did for us, but I do think it’s a tough transition and a part of growing up. [/quote]

Waiting until college is often thrown around on here but it is terrible. There is no soft landing. They have no one and no support at college. But, instead, warring parents and splitting time home from college. Even if they aren't "warring" it's still usually not great, thus the divorce. 
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