Reply to For those of you who prioritized "the spark"/attractiveness/sexual chemistry, how have things turned out?

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Reply to "For those of you who prioritized "the spark"/attractiveness/sexual chemistry, how have things turned out?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I accepted a little less spark, but still some spark, for a man who is EXCELLENT on all fundamentals that matter to me. So no regrets.

I had so much spark with high school and college boyfriends but looking at how their lives turned out, no regrets. You can't live on spark and the very fun sparky guys turn out to have ADHD far too often.[/quote]

Haha, this is true in my case. My DH has severe ADHD. We have had a strong spark for 30 yrs and the sex is great but the ADHD is exhausting. [/quote]

what happens in ADHD and how it affects the spark?[/quote]

It makes people unreliable and makes it difficult for them to handle the inevitable more difficult periods of life. Especially with kids because kids require a lot of organizational skills and executive functioning. It kills the spark because the non-ADHD person starts to look at them as another child to manage, as if she's their mom, and it's really unsexy. The imbalance of chores and contributions to the household makes the non-ADHD spouse tired and resentful, which is also unsexy.[/quote]

This describes my parents’ relationship perfectly. As the eldest I watched it unfold in real time. 
[/quote]

I agree, my mom has ADHD and never bothered to treat it. My father is a grown up and handles most of life for my mom. My mom was always messing up at work and being too slow, would forget to pick up the kids from school, never showed up on time for anything. My dad confessed to me recently he would have not stayed married to my mom if he was not religious....that was a surprise for me. My mom is a good person but she has so much trouble with daily tasks and she never really seemed like a parent to me, more like a child who needed taking care of.[/quote]

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