Reply to I had unrealistic expectations regarding end of life visitors

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It really takes an extraordinarily person to visit someone with severe dementia.  It makes them face their own mortality plus it’s super depressing and you wonder if it even matters.

My aunt’s BFF has Alzheimer’s and I know she visits fairly regularly.  Her mother and husband also had Alzheimer’s so she knows the drill and I think has managed to emotionally steel herself against it, or find some way to deal with it.  But most people are just too upset by it to deal with that.  [/quote]

This. If you father has advanced dementia, really what is the point in visiting someone like that? I dread going and seeing my own mother like this. I told my kids I would rather die alone that force them and/or their children to visit me if I am just a shell of a person who can no longer function. So friends are supposed to go gather around his bed and do what? [/quote]

Sometimes they benefit from the social interaction even so. Daytime activities can help them stay on the right sleep/wake pattern. You are also there to bring whatever the caregiver finds helpful (groceries, dinner) and to be with the person so the caregiver can get a bit of a break and some social interaction for themselves. That's why I go.[/quote]

Usually there is hospice staff so the caregiver is free to go. That has been my experience. As others have mentioned, when it's a younger person you are more likely to have more visitors. When it's the end of the lifecycle sometimes peers are ill themselves and sometimes they prefer to preserve their memories of the friend as healthier and happier and it's too painful. Regarding siblings, with parents living so long often they have their own health issues or emergencies or sometimes due to family dynamics and issues they don't go. I was glad I could be there for my dad through the whole process of aging including death, but we also had a healthy and pleasant relationship and I knew he was ready and lived a long and fulfilling life. My brother and I made sure we spent time with him before our chaotic sister came to town to say her goodbyes so we could avoid any dramatics. Seeing him so uncomfortable and unable to do anything independently just helped me be at total peace when he passed.[/quote]

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