Reply to WWYD: dad doesn’t want to take meds, I have no opinion but all communication goes through me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get you,  OP. [b]Most of those replying probably don't have to deal with difficult elderly parents.  You only have so much time in your life and your father is asking you to waste it because he wants to be difficult.[/b]
Most doctors also won't understand and expect you to be able to "make" your father do the right thing.

I learned to say over and over again, in regards to my mother,[b] "She has full agency of her decisions.  She doesn't want, I cannot, and I will not be drawn into the decisions she makes for herself ." It is like pleading the 5th in court.  I've had to repeat it three or four times in some appointments.  (Of course then my mother later says I must not really care about her if I didn't push her to follow doctor's orders.  [/b]--sigh)

Agree with utilizing the portal.  If you have a release to discuss with them, I send a message. "He doesn't want to take the full dose. He only wants to take half a dose. Should he do that or not take any?" If he can take a half a dose and is able to cut the pills himself he can do that. If he can't then he can take it every other day.

[/quote]

Not OP, but this is such an important point and it's why I started outsourcing more. I found not just physicians, but siblings and aunts/uncles think you have the magical powers to force something and they start making suggestions. Life got a lot less frustrating when I directed them all to the case manager. Even better mom could more than afford the case manager, but she was expensive and the siblings wanted to preserve their inheritance. When they complained about the expense I suggested they keep their calls short and to the point since she bills for them. When mom protested the cost I ignored it because before that all she did was threaten me with the inheritance. Let it go to a stranger to manager her care-win win. Mom doesn't pull all the manipulations and performances for the case manager, she just does what she needs to do. There were far fewer dramas from mom and from family when a stranger managed them and I feel the quality of care was better than when I was involved and so burned out. [/quote]

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