Reply to My H (we are separated) is endangering our daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don't demand he stay at the house.  You offer to drive her.[/quote]

This is it. You may have a valid concern, you may have anxiety - doesn’t really matter. If you don’t like how she is getting from point A to point B - whether that is with dad or another adult you think may be not safe, or on a school bus with a team, or with a friend who is a new driver - you drive.

This will come up more & more as she gets older & has her own life. Get used to it now - you cannot dictate what the driver offering her a ride will do. They may drive when they are tired, or drunk, or whatever. If you have a concern, just tell her, “ im happy for you to go, but  taking you there.” The end - you don’t need to share with her that Dad is overtired, or her friend’s mom is a drink or whatever.

Get comfortable making these decisions without ex or DD. If you feel strongly that something is not safe, you drive until DC is able to. [/quote]

This.

Please do DBT or CBT to learn to manage anxiety. Do not dump it on DD. Have generational boundaries, she is not your confidant. Change yourself, the one you can control, before soon to be ex goes back to family court.

Why do you live so far apart? Can you move closer?

[/quote]

OP doesn't have the right to refuse to let him drive his own child.  Many people who have limited time with their kids appreciate driving as a time to talk and connect.  It's possible that if he's compassionate, or also concerned, or the drive is inconvenient, that if she offers he'll say yes, but "you just drive" isn't a solution.  Especially in this situation where the kid is coming from school, so it's not like mom can leave 4 hours early, and still get the kid to Dad at the time visitation begins.

Plus mom has shown she's willing to harm the kid to get her way.  What are the odds that she spends those hours telling the kid how dad "endangered" her? Or that she arrives at Dad's place and tells Dad in front of kid that she's now tired and is unsafe to drive home, and demands that Dad let her sleep there?  [/quote]

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