Reply to What do you think is the best age to become parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had mine at 30 and 35. I wish I had pushed it back a few years and had just one. I think one kid around 35-38 is perfect. [/quote]

PP. Want to add - this is because I know a few women who focused on their careers, make a ton of money, and then had a single child around 38-42. They’re the happiest moms I know - financially secure, zero stress, able to focus on their child 100%, etc.

The young parents I know are usually pretty miserable. Money is very tight, they end up having more kids than they can reasonable care for, very stressed out overall. Worst cases I’ve seen are when they start very young and around 24 hereditary mental illness develops in one of the parents. Absolute nightmare. I know one couple who were picture perfect, the husband had a good job, very loving traditional family with 2 kids, beautiful home, and at 24 he developed bipolar disorder. Within a year he had sexually harassed coworkers, gotten fired without telling his wife, ran up $30k in credit card debt, began beating his wife and kids.

So I’m very against getting married or having children before 25 or so, just so you can make sure nobody has any genetic mental illness that can’t really be treated. [/quote]

The “focus on the child 100%” isn’t always great - that’s how you get New York lonely boys.  I married one and…..wow, his mom is a lot. It’s not always going to be true, but at least my mom has to spread her crazy (and her needs) over four people so she SEEMS only 1/4 as crazy and needy.  [/quote]

My friend is married to an only and the amount of guilt and too much smothering from the mom is too much. The mom gets jealous and doesn’t have much going on and her focus is on her one son and grandchildren. It drives my friend nuts. She has 3 siblings and her parents’ attention is spread out over multiple kids and lots of grandchildren.[/quote]

On the other hand, you have tons of parents who complain they don't get enough help from grandparents because grandparents are busy helping out with the other grandkids. H's parents have 18 grandkids, and have spent a total of maybe 8 hours with our DC, who is 3yo.

More important to find someone who has a healthy relationship with their parents - not too enmeshed, not too distant.[/quote]

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