Reply to AITA: What responsibility do I have to the memory of my deceased ex-husband?

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Reply to "AITA: What responsibility do I have to the memory of my deceased ex-husband?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would not hesitate to share what a crappy husband he was, OP. They deserve to know.

My husband of 20 years is difficult to live with, and has had episodes of rage and hyper controlling behavior. They stem from his ADHD and high-functioning autism. I've wondered whether divorce was the solution several times in our married life.

My children were aware of his problems from a young age, because he couldn't exactly hide them! They're teens now. I would never let myself be misunderstood or unfairly critiqued by a teen or young adult child: I would explain and defend myself.

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Do you think your kids wonder why you put up with that? I was in shoes similar to yours and after I decided to split with my ex, my kids asked me why it took so long and said they used to really wish we would divorce. [/quote]

Yes, we've had many conversations about it. I am in an unusual immigration situation and for most of these 20 years, could not divorce. This will change in the next few years (hopefully, if the Trump administration doesn't mess with USCIS, the immigration service). We'll see what happens.

The silver lining is that my children and I have a very close bond, and we can have open conversations about it. My main concern is how their father will impact their future relationships. They might find themselves tolerating overly bossy and controlling people, supervisors at work or romantic partners, just because they've seen this dynamic at home; or they will need to guard against being overly bossy and controlling themselves. I do not want them replicating either of their parents' roles.

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