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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I was the one to post first to say we are going through something similar with my BIL.

One factor I think it would be helpful for people to know (as it is significant with my BIL's situation) is what is her demeanor/behavior when these issues are discussed. Like how did she behave when she had to be moved from her prior home and into your parents' house? Did she calmly accept it when told her previous home was no longer livable due to the hoarding?

Also, what is the dynamic like between her and your parents -- do they get along, is it a reasonably healthy dynamic or are there issues?

In my BILs case, a major obstacle is that it is very hard to have conversations with him about any of this. He rages at people and can be scary. It's especially hard on my MIL who is getting older and he takes advantage of her age to bully her. He also will not listen to my DH. He has an aunt he sometimes listens to but she, for reasons we all understand, prefers not to get involved.

I see people suggesting that you ask your sister what she wants or chiding you for not involving her enough in these decisions, but IME you don't get to this point if the person is capable of having those conversations. [/quote]

She was shell-shocked when she had to move into my parents’ home because things had gotten so bad. She can be obstinate and argumentative, and she does think she knows everything. She is adamant she is not on the autism spectrum, for example. She so very clearly is. She will lecture about parenting yet doesn’t have her own kids. She obsessively watches doctor shows yet is morbidly obese and makes terrible food choices. She can be obsessive and compulsive about things. She is secretive about relationships. Spends a lot of time online. I could go on and on.[/quote]

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