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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Will it still be cute or ok in 5 years? If not you should fix it. [/quote]
Myself and another poster explained that the stim could very well fade. It's not something to 'fix'. He isn't broken.[/quote]

Yeah it is something to fix. Fix doesn’t mean never allowing it. It does mean establishing places it’s appropriate and not appropriate. Like it’s ok in your bedroom or in the bathroom or at recess but not at school during class. You can also shape the behavior to one that’s  less disruptive/distracting/more socially acceptable. It’s just a fact that there’s no better way to make your kid the social outcast than flapping around other NT kids. A person saying quiet hands understands that’s just life. If they said it 24/7 that would be an issue, if they’re saying it in a social context where it’s preventing the child from interacting and building social skills then you should be thankful they’re willing to address things that are difficult. [/quote]

This is a FOUR year old. The amount of effort needed to extinguish all stims in a kid that age would be totally disproportionate, wasted, and cruel. Nobody is saying and older kid shouldn’t be taught or that dangerous or loud stims be addressed. [/quote]

Nobody said anything about extinguishing all “stims”, that’s just not a thing. Also anything dangerous should always take priority. Assuming disruptive/“annoying” but non-harmful behavior, it’s still MUCH easier to address at age 4 vs an older kid.

Think about it this way- the kid flaps an hour a day in multiple settings and you allow it until they start middle school. Now it’s no longer socially appropriate and little Johnny is getting teased about it and you want to fix it.

Well that’s about 8 more years of reinforcement history you’re now up against at age 12 vs age 4. I’d just tell you good luck I can’t help you, you should’ve addressed it when they were younger. Or if you’re lucky enough I do help you I’m going to tell you pick one setting because total elimination is almost impossible at that age with that learning history.

You are doing the child a huge disservice if you knowingly do absolutely nothing at age 4 and just wait until they are older. Calling it cruel, disproportionate, and absurd is literally absurd. And yes, it requires a LOT of effort, but still easier and less effortful at 4 than 14. [/quote]

You are a) describing something far from what OP describes and b) wrong.

OP never said her kid is hand flapping for hours alone. And if that was the case then the intervention would be to put the kid in a more enriching environment, not to target the flapping. It would be to ask why the child feels the need to stim intensively and change the environment.

You are also wrong because as many parents have told you (and I sense you are not a parent but I could be wrong) stims come and go and change with time an age. Spending excessive effort at 4 to extinguish one type of stim makes zero sense unless it is dangerous or really disruptive. Conversely, extinguishing the propensity to stim altogether is as impossible at 4 as it would be at 14.

Teach the kid to sit and attend the teacher for an age appropriate time period? Yes. To walk safely through and intersection instead of skipping? Of course. To stop hand flapping when excited? Total waste of effort. [/quote]

Sounds like you’re on a completely different page than I am. I never said anything about completely extinguishing one type of self-stimulatory behavior.

I’m not wrong, and I can tell you with certainty that ignoring it is worse than addressing it.

That’s all. [/quote]

you ARE wrong. A 4 year old fidgeting or hand flapping during circle time isn’t a problem behavior to be extinguished. I’m scratching my head about what minimally competent ABA program would expend the effort on it unless it was a distraction. The goal would be for the child to attend to the teacher and, you know, learn to read. Not to “not look autistic.”  Again - OP has NOT said her child is sitting in a corner stimming all day. [/quote]

The pp you’re responding to is misguided about many things, but one of the stims OP mentioned is loudly humming. My kid does that too. If a child is doing that in preschool, when the teacher is talking or reading aloud, it is a distraction. Wanting to replace this behavior isn’t a matter of making the child look NT. It’s being able to function in a classroom with other students. [/quote]

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