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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My child did not start noticeably stimming until they were older, however we have discussed frankly that she should limit it in public.  At home is fine but if she wants to maximize her options in the world it is something she needs to mask as much as reasonably possible.

I can believe 100% that everyone should be embraced as they are, however that is simply not true in the world we live in.  It feels like it would be a disservice to my child to not explain that clearly.

Due to ASD it is unlikely she would pick this up on her own.  If she wants to stim anyway I won’t stop her but I believe it is my job as a parent to be really clear and transparent in areas she might not pick up otherwise.[/quote]

This is us too. Ds is very highly capable in certain things (academics, motor skills etc) but low capability in social skills plus the stimming. He likes to stim, but it’s really not necessary for his happy functioning. So I have no problem calling out his social deficits (including stimming) and tell him to dial it down or save it for private times. Honestly his stimming drives his dad and me nuts at  this point (his is loud!) and he should know that. Again, if he really needed it to self soothe, I wouldn’t be so hard. But he doesn’t; he should know that the world is going to treat him differently if he engages in some behaviors. He’s 13 now, and often stims in his room after school but keeps it away from us. I’m okay with that. [/quote]

The fact that he has to go hide in his room to stim, indicates that it is soothing and needed. Too bad his parents act like he's a social pariah for meeting his own needs.[/quote]

Unhelpful and possibly trolling.

Going into the bedroom (or other room) to play loud music, to do one's hobby, to stim, etc. without bothering others.  This is normal and appropriate.[/quote]

Not trolling , stating facts.

Glad he has a safe place, away from his judgmental parents. He'll be 18 in a few years.[/quote]

She said the stims are loud.  So doing them in his bedroom is appropriate and considerate of other people.  That's good, not bad or judgemental.  [/quote]

She said he didn't really need to stim to be happy and that it is a social deficit. Sounds judgemental to me. [/quote]

I’m the parent you’re harshly criticizing. Way to make the SN it’s ever helpful source.
 
But yeah, at 13 I have no problem telling my kid there’s a time and place for his outrageously annoying and obvious stim. He’s 13 and can handle complex algebra and making a pie and a month away at sleepaway camp. He can handle some feedback from his parents and keep it in his room. Honestly we assume it’s half stimming and half masterbating at this point in there after school, both of which are things he should know to keep to himself. I also don’t want him playing with himself on the bus. Masterbation is self soothing and a natural drive that most people have. Am I judgemental and abusive if I tell my 13 year old to keep that in his room too?

There are different ways to parent. My way is good, and I’m good with it. I’m sure you’re good with your way, but it’s not the style we chose. But for some reason you think it’s appropriate to say horrible things about my parenting choices, including ironically calling me “Judgmental”.  Pot meet kettle. Note that none of the posts that are pro treating stims ever criticized the other parents who let the stims continue. We just said this is what we’re doing for our kids and why we think it works, and some posters said why they don’t think you should wait. You’re the only one who made it personal and cruel and judgmental.

Suggest you stay off this board if you can’t be civil. [/quote]. Isn't OP's child 4?[/quote]

Op asked for people’s advice. A lot of us with older kids responded with how we handled it. Some other pp separately responded that my telling my 14 year old to keep it in his room makes me abusive and judgmental. So this back and forth unfortunately has nothing to do with the ops question or the ops 4 year old  (though my original response to op does still stand). This is unfortunately just a ton of unhinged responses from a mean parent. [/quote]

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