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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]EMDR seems really effective at PTSD, like for situational traumas (a bad accident, an assault, a traumatic event or short term situation such as combat...short term being that you know if you survive, it won't be forever.)

CPTSD from chronic trauma, such as a childhood of neglect or with parents who have addictions and/or are abusive seems like a very different beast because of the changes that chronic lack of safety has on the brain.  In my mid-50's, I am only now understanding and beginning to forgive myself for SO much that stems from brain dysregulation...shutting down, avoidance, procrastination, zoning out, ADHD, depression, overeating...so much of how I have screwed up my adult life despite being SO intentional about not repeating my parents' mistakes and so diligent at pursuing therapy and self-help and 12 steps and  OMG so, so many failed attempts at "fixing" myself.

I have tried SO hard.

One thing that is finally beginning to click this past year is learning more about my body (which I generally avoid and dissociate from) and how physical dysregulation is at the heart of my psychological problems.  I have learned a lot from the Crappy Childhood Fairy online...her videos are excellent and I started incorporating her Daily Practice into my day (writing and meditating).

What I still can't seem to get over is that childhood hope that someone will come rescue me.  I read a lot as a child; that escapism might have saved me.  But sometimes I fall into these deep dissociative fugue states...just surviving.  Oh, I perform day to day - I go to work, I act normal, I come home, I do the minimum, I overeat, I escape into my phone, and I avoid all the self-care rituals that I k ow will make my life better.  I know some things that work but I just go into this shell of avoidance and despair and, at its core, the vain HOPE that someone will come and pull me out of it.  Please, someone, pull me into the light and rescue me.  Please, someone, notice how much I am suffering and come be with me.  Someone, please save me.

I wasted my whole day like that today.  I slept most of the day.  I am SO tired and I don't know how much is an illness or how much is depression but the work of finding a doctor who can diagnose me with something fixable is SO Herculean and I just can't find the energy...I used it all just feeding my kid today and doing a couple of loads of laundry.  I need someone to notice how much I need help and come and save me.  I need a mom.

I know no one is coming.  I know only I can rescue myself.  But I'm sooo exhausted and I can't stop staying stuck and hoping.[/quote]

I too relate to so much of this. Thank you for saying all this so clearly. 
[/quote]

Sending good energy to you! [/quote]

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