Reply to Husband is furious at me for telling his mother to stop talking down to me at dinner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So yesterday my husband and I were over at my mother in laws house for New Year’s Eve. My husband wanted us to spend the night there as MIL requested we spend NYE with her as she is lonely with just my father in law who has Parkinson’s and is in decline.

My husband wanted us to spend the night at their house which is 20 minutes away. I was tired but decided to pack up and join them. We arrived there and everything was going well. My MIL is a great hostess and served us appetizers and some wine. Then we sat down to have some dinner at the kitchen.

I thanked her for the thoughtful dinner she made for us of crab cakes and scalloped potatoes. We started eating and were having a nice time all around.

I am an immigrant so my family lives abroad. I communicate with them through our family group chat. As my MIL was snapping at FIL for not being able to cut his broccoli, I looked down to check my phone.

I look up and see my MIL looking at me. She starts telling me about how I have a problem with cellphone use and how using the cellphone for hours and hours and hours is the worst thing one can do for your brain! And just talking down to me in a reprimanding tone that…frankly embarrassed me. I thought briefly about ignoring her but then said, “ Molly, I am 37 years old and don’t appreciate being reprimanded like I’m 5 years old. I was quickly checking my family group chat.”

Her eyes go wide and she stares at me as if I’ve done some horrible thing. She says, “ that was very rude of you. Apologize now!”

She gets up and continues now yelling, “ your mother would roll over in her grave if she knew how rude you’re being! I am older than you! You are so rude!”

I say, “ please don’t speak to me like that. Please don’t raise your voice at me.”

Now my husband says ok we are leaving. I am kind of shocked. My heart is thumping. I’m disoriented. I am unsure how to feel as we were just having a nice time and now everything is a mess. I tell my husband I will drive back home but he can stay here with his mom.

He insists he will come with me and tells me to get in the car. I truly am kind of in shock and get in the car. My husband says “ I don’t want to talk about this!”

We come home and I take off my coat. I tell my husband I feel bad about leaving abruptly and if there was a way to have stayed. He said he did not want an awkward situation where his mom and I were yelling at each other at her house.

I said I feel sad as we were having such a nice time. He says he is so angry at me for being so rude to his mother. It was rude of me to check my phone and to be disrespectful to her after a nice meal she prepared for us while being in her house.

I look at home confused as I felt like I was being attacked and I had to stand up for myself. He said he is so embarrassed of my behavior and doesn’t want to be around me. He packed up an overnight bag and said he will spend NYE at his friends house at a party.

I spent NYE alone by myself.

This afternoon my husband tells me he is so embarrassed of me as I create chaos everywhere I go and i cannot let things go.

Was it truly my fault? Was I the problem? Or did MIL overstep?[/quote]

Checking phone at the table can be rude.  This was not your first dinner with your ILs, so you must have known how they feel about the cell phone use. They are older, went out of their way to make a nice dinner. You could have avoided it. That was your wrong OP.

The rest? Your DH and MIL do not respect you and are not afraid to mistreat you. If you can, do yourself a service and just divorce.[/quote]

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