Reply to if you're a "no divorce expect with abuse / cheating" person

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Reply to "if you're a "no divorce expect with abuse / cheating" person - what would you do in this situation"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Why do your think your kids want him around?[/b] I wanted my abusive drunkard father to go away and never come back. He was abusive towards my mother, not us, but it was very hard to watch. We get along fine now that he lives alone, but there was no reason for him to be around when I was a kid. I begged my mom to move away from him. I didn't care where I lived, but I wanted the two separately.
Even if he goes for 50%, he will give that up in no time. [/quote] This is a very fair question.  As a kid, I wished my mom would have left my dad.  It didn't happen until I was in high school, and by then, I had lost a lot of respect for my mother.  She should have left long before that. [/quote]

I don't know - I wrestle with this.  Its clear at least one of them loves him and can get wild fun with him in a way he can't with me.  I think my other may actually be more on edge around him but has had times they were closer.  I don't know if staying together so they can get the good and largely be shielded from the bad (eg he's "overwhelmed" so I just whisk the kids away and dad disappears to bedroom versus the kids being subjected dad's tantrum) is better than either having some shared custody with no shielding or no relationship with him at all (again, I don't know which way DH would go in a divorce.  I don't think being upset about child support would factor into it and i'd waive it if that was the case.  we have enough savings and i have enough earning power i'd be fine)[/quote] I'm the person you quoted. I get this.  I loved my dad; my dad was the disciplinarian but also the "fun" parent.  He coached our sports; he bought extravagant Christmas presents for us; he took us fishing and camping, etc.  But he was awful to my mom.  I  still lost respect for her putting up with his bs. I wanted her to be strong and think about us kids and what we were witnessing.  Your kids are young so probably not there yet, but something to think about.  Bottom line, I wanted my mom and dad to both be happy, and I felt like they would be if they were apart. [/quote]

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