Reply to Don’t want to cut off, but also no desire for a relationship?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let me guess, your relative is Jewish and your children are not? [/quote]

Other way around, lol.  But thanks for reiterating yet again the background anti-semitism![/quote]

DP. I was thinking relative was evangelistic Christian and kid was Jewish since that has been my experience with this intolerant behavior. [/quote]

relative is a limousine liberal who was making a hip anti-Semitic comment he thought was amusing. Like wink wink nod nod all Jews are sneaky [/quote]

I don’t know any liberals who wouldn’t find that highly offensive. Anti semitism isn’t hip in liberal circles at all.

The guys a jerk. Ghost him and don’t engage with relatives who try to push you into playing nice.[/quote]

Antisemitism is absolutely part of the new woke. I say this as one who tended to lean progressive until the aftermath of October 7th. [/quote]

I was prepared to talk about Gaza actually but not for the casual anti-Semitic “joke”! I do feel like it was evidence that it’s ok in some circles to say those things now (as long as there are no Jews around). I feel like the Gaza convo would have been totally normal unless he did something weird like demand that I recite that Israel is committing genocide if I brought up my kid’s bar mitzvah prep. (which is actually the kind of thing he’d do …) [/quote]
 Ok, OP, exactly what did he say?
And how could you have not reacted on the spot??
I’m Christian and at least would have uttered an ‘WTF dude’
Also, people can acknowledge and realize that Oct 7th was horrible and terrorism is awful and not tolerated , Hamas should be held accountable AND  think that what the Israeli government is doing is genocide.
Those ideas are not mutually exclusive, not anti-Semitic and not fodder for a joke or a slight.[/quote]

Gaza actually wasn’t part of the conversation but thanks for the lecture. I’m sure relative also would love to lecture me about what is and is not anti-Semitic, which is partly why I didn’t respond. And he had already gone off at me on an unrelated matter, so I had zero interest in discussing it with him at that time and creating more conflict at the holiday gathering. I just left the room. [/quote]
Like  I said, Well that is sort of on you.
I do not tolerate racism or anti-semitism or any -ism in my presence, especially if directed towards my child. 
But that was your choice, if others want to tell you the “joke” was not offensive, tell them to kick rocks. 
But now you want to make a big deal of ‘breaking off’ the relationship. Just leave his crazy a** alone. Why do you need to crowd source this with your whole extended family????
If he says something out of turn, go off on him.
[/quote]

you totally failed to read my OP. I don’t want to make a big deal - that’s the whole point. I want it to go away. my kid actually wasn’t there at the time but probably my reaction would have been different. I’m still mulling over what to do. [/quote]

NP but I am also left wondering why you are discussing this with extended relatives at all.  Possibly they are bringing it up to you?  You don't need to engage.  Thanks for your thoughts Aunt Matilda.  And then move on.  If Aunt Matilda persists say you aren't interested in discussing.

This seems like a lot of drama.  Just don't talk to the guy independently and avoid at larger family functions.  What is there "to do"?[/quote]

Well it’s hard to totally avoid someone in a small house … then my mind is on avoiding them the whole time and it’s miserable. Not going would be drama. Going and avoiding is internal drama for me. Telling the other relatives to butt out is drama. It ALL seems like drama and I hate it. [/quote]

This isn’t hard. You are making it unnecessarily hard.

Skip the small house gatherings if they’re very optional (a superbowl party).

Do not mention this ever again to other relatives. If they want to know why you’re not going to the Super Bowl party, you have a conflict with a different Super Bowl party.

If it would be super awkward to skip (? (? shiva) then go and don’t engage. At all. Like not at all. Even a “small house” has a living room and a kitchen. You be in one, he is in the other. Switch rooms when necessary.

Do you have generalized anxiety? It sounds like you might. Because being at a small gathering, even in a small space , should not be anxiety producing. This is why people blather on about the Nationals or _______ banal topic

— parent of a Jewish kid with a family full of sometimes-clueless non-Jews and the random bigot

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