Reply to My parents both passed this past year and several old supposedly good friends

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't know if this will help you at this point OP but I have observed that this is a very good way to both let people know of your loss and invite them to offer some kind of condolence and support:

Set up a condolence web page, either through the funeral home or an online memorial site like Kudoboard. Post your loved ones obituary and/or a note from you or your family explaining why this person was important to you and expressing your loss.

Then email this link to your friends with a simple note like "I wanted to share my dad's obit and memorial with all of you. I know many of you never met him or didn't know him well, but since you are important to me I still want to share his memory with you. Please feel free to leave a note on the website if you are inclined -- it's for anyone, not just family or those who knew him well. I am grateful to have all of you in my life."

This helps people understand what their role is when they don't know the deceased and are unlikely to be attending the funeral or involved in the more formal grieving process. It's a fairly easy way to let people into what is going on with you and to normalize talking about your loss. A lot of people just need permission and instructions. It can be hard to navigate this situation where you want to support your friend but you feel like an interloper and outsider to a grief over a person you don't know. It can feel like a family matter you should stay out of.

People need a doorway into this stuff. There are no longer good cultural scripts to follow.[/quote]

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