Reply to What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

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Reply to "What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am floored by the cruel responses here to OP. This is not “just” the guy deciding he wants someone else and breaking off a long marriage. That’s bad enough but can at least happen ethically. It’s also the cheating and lying from someone you always trusted, to whom you made a commitment. Ridiculous to talk about letting an affair smolder. Who can live like that? Ask me how I know.  Last point: people who behave like this are betraying not only their spouse but their entire family.  Think about it.  Lie to and devalue your wife, you’re also lying to and devaluing your children. Because adult children, as one PP said, are smart. A child who loves their mother will not accept what amounts to emotional abuse.  Want to end it, sure! Stuff happens, people change etc.  But don’t destroy your spouse’s self-worth with lying, cheating and gaslighting (so so common - OP, go see chumplady.com.  [/quote]

I am definitely going to check out chumplady.com - sounds intriguing...! He never once said "I'm not feeling ok with our relationship and I'm not sure what to do about it." He's just burning everything down right now while he is apparently only thinking with his dick. I posted elsewhere that when I confronted him he placed all the blame on me, as if he's been a passive participant in a 30 year relationship. He won't do couples counseling, and I don't mean I want him to do this so we can stay together, it could be helpful for him to come to a better understanding of how this all came to pass but he won't. It's like a switch flipped and I feel like it's easier for him to leave if he can just paint me as the villain who left him with no choice. Honestly I'm pretty floored that I apparently didn't know him at all. I think it's most upsetting that he is ok with just blowing up the family and leaving everyone else to pick up the pieces. But that is what I'm dealing with right now. I'm actually staying pretty calm with him and I didn't say anything cruel or accusatory when this all came to light. I think mentally I've been preparing for this for the last few months even if I couldn't totally accept it was actually going to happen.[/quote]

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