Reply to Feel like my boyfriend has poor emotional regulation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Correct there are healthy ways to show and cope with anger or sadness.  
Complain/ talk about it, call out the wrong, ask to take a moment, go work out, leave the situation, circle back within a day or two and clear it up, come up with a plan to get over it or fix it.

And there are unhealthy ways. 
Yell and blame others, punch walls, destroy property, stonewall for days, drugs/ excessive alcohol, etc like OPs date does. [/quote]

Of course you can intellectualize it and and discuss it calmly but the idea that actually expressing any emotion is unhealthy isn’t something I agree with.

As I said I am sure people posting have cried or raised their voices or ranted. I am sure people on here have felt and actually expressed emotion - and not just calmly discussed the emotion without any expression. Do I think he is an awful human for doing those things. No I don’t. I think the idea that expressing emotion is wrong in a man and there are no acceptable ways for a man to express emotion is what leads to people throwing things and punching walls. If there is no acceptable way to express negative emotion then no matter what he does is bad. [/quote]

You aren’t making any points here Pp.

We all agree you should express, not bottle up, your emotions. Including men.

What you seem to never be acknowledging in your many repetitive posts is that there ARE indeed abusive ways of expressing emotions around others. And if you don’t check yourself, or apologize, or improve after continually “losing it,” you have a major emotional dysregulation problem.

You do believe that, right Pp? 
Society certainly does. That’s why there is religion, laws and a judicial system.

[/quote]

Of course there are abusive ways but seeing as on this post tears, rants, and raising voice has been lumped in with throwing things and punching walls and everyone agress this list is wrong and that those things all show he is emotionally dysregulated - then what I am asking is what is an acceptable way for a man to show he is hurt or disappointed or scared or sad or frustrated or angry or irritated? How can he show emotion in a way that wouldn't tbe perceived as abusive or dysregulated?

There was a post on here not long ago about women yelling at their husbands and the majority view was that yelling at your husbandis aceptable if they do something that frustrates you, that a woman can't be expected to stay calm when her husband repeatedly frustrates her and that yelling is an acceptable way to express that frustration. We also see many women rainting on here and talking about crying. So those things (tears, rants, and raised voices) are seen as acceptable for women but signs of emotional dysregulation and RUN in a man. For a man they are seen as the same as throwing things and punching walls.

So how can a man express emotion - what would be acceptable?  We have heard he can intellectualize the emotion and express it verbally in conversation in a calm and rational way - but that still isn't seeing any actual expressed emotion as acceptable.[/quote]

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