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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband.

He cannot accept that one of his children has low processing speed with no social initiative: DS has an ADHD and ASD diagnosis, and learning disabilities, but what's really noticeable is the slowness of his thinking in daily interactions and lack of observation or participation in anything social. DS needed accommodations in K-12 and still receives accommodations in college.

Unless it's a greeting, every interaction with our 19 year old son ends with my husband disparaging him in an irritated tone of voice. I find it incredibly sad and disrespectful that my husband behaves in this way. It's been like this since my son was a preschooler, and it became apparent that he had delays and would never be quite "normal".

My son has actually had incredible academic success despite his disabilities. My husband somehow credits "his" parenting and tutoring, and forgets that his son did all the work. DS is asocial, easily fatigued, and never initiates any chore or any social act. But he always does what he's asked to do, and that is a mark of goodwill and good nature that I value, unlike my husband. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times my son has had a tantrum, in all his 19 years of life. He's an exceptionally calm and compliant person.

Your daughter has inherited a genetic combination which has molded her personality, OP. I'm not going to speculate on whether she could be subclinical or clinical for certain diagnoses. What matters is that you respect her for who she is and accept that she needs time to come into her own, whatever "her own" may be.

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I would divorce my husband over this. Does he lack all self awareness and basic knowledge about how his behavior impacts your son?  How can you stay with him? I'd have zero respect. [/quote]

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