Reply to Women, do you ever think your DH has a double life?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Women, do you ever think your DH has a double life? "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, I never suspected it, until I stumbled across it.

He was a predator (of other adult women who were lacking in self-esteem and power). I, it turned out, was his beard and bait - the nice, intelligent woman who bore his cute, smart, well-behaved kids.  A great father and husband would never be a predator - that was the beard part. It was also the bait for his APs - a guy who had such cute kids and an accomplished, attractive wife who, sadly, he no longer loves because the AP has captured his heart.

Needless to say I kicked him out. It took about 6 months of me in super-detective mode to unravel his lies. It took another 2 years to get in a position to safely tell him to leave.

To this day, I do not think he knows the magnitude of what I know.

He found another woman to marry. I don't know and don't care what he is doing behind her back. His presentation should have raised red flags (no custody of kids) but it did not.

I will never feel trust in any relationship again. Any guy could be doing this, and I would never know without the high level of effort I had to make.  I simply don't want to put that much effort into any relationship. [/quote]

I am sorry this happened to you but your ex sounds less like a “predator” than someone who was unhappy with his marriage, stepped out and got caught. [/quote]

Ahh, the old, "he's not a bad guy, he just didn't love you" line. This is what he fed his credulous APs.

I knew we couldn't have this thread without victim-blaming.

He is not someone who was unhappy with his marriage - we had sex multiple times a week and when I confronted him about the tip of the iceberg he cried and begged me not to throw him out and promised to go to therapy, etc., all the while telling me what he thought was a palatable lie about 1 affair when really (as I later found out) that was a complete lie and he had been sleeping with multiple women and manipulating others for ego strokes.  for at least two years after I told him to leave, he kept trying to get back together with me.

He was first diagnosed with sex addiction. In a later discussion with his psychiatrist, whom he had given permission to speak with me, I answered a series of questions and had an hour long conversation so that the psychiatrist could decide if he was a psychopath or a sociopath (apparently one feels guilt and one does not).

Whether psychopath or sociopath, he was absolutely a predator in the sense that he manipulated and used women around himself for his own gain without any concern for the impact on them. He had multiple lives with multiple women. I have seen the stories he constructs online and in emails.

Despite his many professions of love to me, looking back I know that they were just words and gestures designed to capture a wife that would make him look like a good guy. I don't think he ever really loved me nor cared for the kids (even though he initiated and was a willing and active participant in their creation.) I don't think he has the capacity for that depth or kind of feeling.  He goes through motions that are merely a means to an ends.  That is predatory. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics