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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's about $10K per month per person, OP for quality care. Which means either supplementing private duty care if they are in a large for-profit place like Sunrise, or going with quality care in the home. If your parents have that much in assets, it sounds like they'd be fine until they are over 100. Your BIL might not like it, though.[/quote]

Not sure how much longer FiL will hang on, perhaps another year. MiL will probably want to remain at home as long as she can, then pivot to a quality CCRC when she is no longer able to drive but wants to remain social.[/quote]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but plenty of dementia patients linger on and on and on. And it sounds like the family wants to keep your FIL at home. You write, "They've had daytime help and now need to move to 24/7 in order for the one with dementia to remain at home."  This is going to be your issue. Keeping someone at home is really expensive. If you pay multiple people $25 and hour for 24/7 care that adds up to around $18,000 a month. Except it is hard to find people for 24/7 care so people turn to agencies which charge at least $35 an hour. One month is $25,000. That is $300,000 a year.  And that doesn't even include anything else.

OP, was it you who wrote, "Not sure how much longer FiL will hang on, perhaps another year" because earlier you wrote,  "For now, there is plenty of money but there is a chance that they could burn through it all if MiL lives a long time". So is it your MIL or FIL because women with dementia live longer than men? And often if you are on a dementia drug you live even longer.

Your main priority right now need to be what measures you want to take to prolong life? Is there an advanced care directive, does the family agree on if and when you will resuscitate. You also have to agree what you are going to do if your in law needs artificial hydration or a feeding tube. Different states allow or do not allow the ability to refuse feeding tubes, hydration, etc.

The matter of the house, the best strategy is to kick the can down the road. Do NOTHING right now. Table the issue and use other assets first. What is going to happen if your husband sells the house is your BIL will only be satisfied if he gets money right away. Then he is going to continue to use the house as if he continued to own half or your in-laws owned the house. You and your husband are going to be furious everytime you think about it. And your kids' cousins are going to think they are entitled to use that house because it was their grandparents house. This will drive the siblings apart. What your husband agreed to 10 years is no longer relevant. Buying out a sibling from a vacation house never really works out well. Do NOT do this even though the parents want the house to stay in the family. [/quote]

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