Reply to What happens at an initial consultation with a developmental pediatrician?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your child is hitting, biting, poking, licking people.  This is not typical behavior and he is clearly very unhappy.  That is the problem.  The problem is not the teachers (yeah, they shouldn't be suggesting diagnoses, I agree, but it seems like they want you to get him help) or the specialists.  Again, there are no villains here, just people trying to help.

Who knows what the problem is, but the problem is serious.  It may be that the school is too rigid for him, but you need to find out why so you can perhaps get a better place for him.

While it seems true that your DC has been labeled a problem, it also seems true that he IS a problem.  This is an aggressive, unhappy child and you better believe that the other parents view him with trepidation and the teachers are frustrated with how much work it is to keep him in line and from hurting the other children.

A bite is actually a serious medical issue and kids who are bitten by other children often have to take a round of high powered antibiotics if the bite draws blood.  Preschools will generally kick children out who do this more than once.  You are fortunate that the teachers are working with you to try to resolve his issues rather than showing you the door.  If his behavior continues in this manner, you can expect other parents to lobby the school to do something about him.

Why you are so resistant to finding the cause and the solution to this problem is confusing to me.  Everyone is wrong and out to get you and doing terrible things to you and your child while meanwhile you have a young son who is clearly suffering.  That is the issue.  Focus on that and getting him some help.[/quote]

My child is not generally unhappy.  You don't even know my child.  Thanks for bearing out my worst fears - people who don't even know him and will simply make assumptions.  He has never bitten so hard that he has drawn blood and it is not a common occurence.  But thanks for letting me know your diagnosis, not that it is worth much to me.[/quote]

Plus, I just want to add that he learned to bite AT DAYCARE, FROM ANOTHER KID.  The first day out of the baby room he was bitten.  We worked hard to get that under control, but trust me - he has been bitten just as many times as he has retaliated.  Should I have lobbied daycare to throw out every kid in his toddler room?  Kids bite, and then we have to teach them not to.  That is exactly what we did and what we have continued to do.  It only happens now rarely and generally when he is around another aggressive child.  It's not like my kid is out of control every minute of every day breaking things and hitting people constantly.  Does he have some issues, especially in overstimulating situations?  Yes.  Is he a total nightmare 24/7?  No.  He is generally a pretty happy, sweet, smart and funny kid.  I hope I don't know you.[/quote]

Wow, I'm the PP (though not the PPs who have also posted after these posts) and if this is any indication, your anger really is out of control.  Go reread my post.  I never suggested a diagnosis.  I certainly never made any assumptions.  I was simply quoting back your original post.  I never even said he drew blood, I just pointed out IF that happens it is serious medical issue, which is why preschools take it seriously.  Yes, sometimes kids bite and sometimes kids hit in preschool.  But when that happens the teachers will call in the parents and try to figure out what they can do to stop the behavior.  They don't just let it go.

I never said your kid was out of control every minute.  That kind of extreme take on my comments is why you are having trouble thinking through this in a helpful way.  And I never said your child was unhappy all the time.  Or a total nightmare.  If this is how you communicate with the teachers and the professionals trying to help you, you will get nowhere.  Clearly a child who is too anxious to sleep alone and is acting aggressively in school is unhappy.  Those aren't the signs of everything going well.  Its not clear to me why are you are so resistant to this.  I don't know a single parent who doesn't at some point hit a point where they have to step in and address a problem.  Some of us have to do that more than others, and yeah, it stinks.  But not stepping in when there is a problem is far worse.

You hope you don't know me?  Wow.  The posters here are offering you the best advice and support they can.  All of us have been there and done that, we've all had the talks from the teachers, the rounds and rounds of professionals.  We've all been anxious and angry.  I wish I had had some of the information and reassurance people are passing on in their posts.  All I've written, over and over again, is that diagnosing and addressing a problem will make you and your DS feel better.  It will improve both of your lives.  Why you see this as an attack is beyond me.  You have friends pestering you for every little stressful detail and yet you react to what I've written with this intense anger?

We've been pretty gentle.  You have been a whirling dervish of hostility and anger and pain.  We want to help you with the pain but you will have to stand down and let us in for that to happen.[/quote]

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