Reply to What's the best elder model to unburden our own children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous](1) start downsizing as soon as your kids have launched and you know you don't need all this stuff any more. A house is one thing, a house full of stuff that's 20-30 years old is another. 
(2) exercise. Take care of your health. Don't overeat, keep mentally active. 
(3)[b] I honestly don't think kids will be interested in caring for parents in the future. Just like many of them got sent to daycares, old people will have theirs. With current mobility it's unlikely for kids to live close by or even on the same continent. [/b]Make your plans as if you don't have kids. [/quote]

I do think there is something to this. My sister has been point person on caring for my parents (rest of siblings live in distant cities) and now mom lives with her. But my parents were also very hands-on grandparents who helped her a ton over the years with childcare and navigating a difficult divorce. She and her kids are super close with my parents and there was no question that of course mom would live with her after my dad died. We other siblings help as we can and visit regularly. I saw the same dynamic with DH's family -- his brother stayed in their hometown, lived on the same street as his parents, grandparents were the primary childcare and grandpa moved in with the kids after his wife died.

If you want your children to care for you when you are old, it helps to be involved and helpful for them when you can. I definitely want to do that for my kids/grandkids.[/quote]

This brings up another issue.  Do you make it clear to your kids that one may get more from the estate than another if one of your kids agrees to let you live with them and cares for you (assuming there is an estate of any significance involved)?
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I'm not the person you quoted.
But I think that's the wrong way to go about it (one adult child getting a higher amount of the estate) and can cause resentment among the siblings.  I feel it's far more equitable and palatable  to pay the adult child doing the caregiving while it is happening.

What if, by the time the estate is settled, most of the money is gone?   The kid that did all the caregiving will feel shortchanged.

Even if there is a substantial amount left,  after the death, while emotions are running so high, is not a good time to unequally share the estate.   That's bound to cause resentment How would they decide how to divide it?   A percentage?   A flat sum?  A specific item (property, jewelry etc.?)

Pay for services rendered as you go.
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