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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you're saying there's kids who have a difficult parent, they have been through a difficult divorce and now have a difficult custody situation/alienation, and are potentially at risk for hereditary mental health issues, and their more-functional parent refuses to acknowledge and treat their mental health despite obvious red flags.

And all that said, the problem in your eyes is they don't want to be friends with your kids and aren't fun enough for your liking on twice-annual outings? Listen to yourself! Come on![/quote]

Before jumping in with all these declaratory statements, let me calm you down a bit.  Boyfriend is doing the best he can. Has he put them in therapy? No.  But he does an amazing job with them and always has their interests at heart.   Am I sad that 10 years in and his kids don't acknowledge mine? Absolutely. I don't think that should be shocking for me to feel.  I am human.  Am I sad that his ex-wife won't let them be when it comes to me? For sure.  Am I sad his wife wants no custody despite his urging? You betcha.  It's a very difficult situation but that doesn't make me a bad guy for being sad about it all and posting on here so please calm down.[/quote]

How is refusing to get them mental health care an "amazing job"?

Really, ask yourself do you want it to be this way long-term? Because I don't see why anything would change. [/quote]
OK. You win.  
[/quote]

Look, it's not an easy road to be the parent of adults with mental health problems. Your boyfriend is setting himself up for some even more difficult challenges if he doesn't intervene and get these kids into a better condition of health. As soon as they turn 18, parents have so much less information and so much less leverage and when something really bad does happen, it can be really hard to help them. They might start self-medicating with controlled substances for example, fail out of college, lose jobs, who knows. And when their situation gets bad enough, they may turn to their parents for help, and that will put him, and you, in a really stressful and difficult situation.

Really truly consider whether you want this for your kids. I get that you want to move in with this guy and all get along and do family holidays together etc., it's a beautiful dream, but how does that happen if his children continue to have mental health problems? I am an adult child in this situation, and let me tell you, it's not so merry when you're expected to show up and fake a normal holiday but the parents are preoccupied with attempting to manage the long-term entrenched mental health conditions of my stepsiblings. [/quote]

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