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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m disappointed but not surprised to see there’s only ineffective “gentle parenting” type advice on here, and that the ped also recommended non-evidence based approaches like play therapy.

In a word - discipline. You need a more clear cut disciplinary plan at home that uses very effective behavioral techniques. Find a behavioral therapist that specializes in approaches like PCIT.

This assumes that you’re talking about real disruptive behavior (hitting, swearing, throwing things). If he’s just grouchy and rude then the other advice may work. [/quote]

My kid swore, hit, and threw things. This was how he was coping with negative emotions because he didn’t know how else to deal with them. “Discipline” did not work. Punishing and having consequences doesn’t help a child that doesn’t have the skills or experience to respond the way you want them to. You literally have to teach them. We went through a very rough phase and our child (who almost got kicked out of school) dramatically improved with therapy, screen limits, sleep, exercise, validation of negative emotions, and learning new ways to effectively cope with them. [/quote]

The evidence based approach is positive reinforcement, but you need consequences for violent behaviors. BTDT.  “Validation of negative emotions” doesn’t really work if your kid is actively trying to bite or punch you or another child. [/quote]

It works in conjunction with teaching them what to do instead of biting or punching. Positive reinforcement comes when they do the things you taught them to do when they were angry instead of hitting. Once you validate their emotion, you will find a child willing to listen to what you have to teach. [/quote]

You can’t validate an emotion right after a kid punches you. That’s absurd. Their emotion in that moment is “I want to hit you.” [/quote]

No. Their emotion is anger or frustration which can be validated but with clear and firm language that hitting is not an acceptable way to cope with anger. You redirect the child to what to do instead when angry - time alone, deep breaths, and exercise. My kid now plays hockey in the driveway when he gets frustrated or angry. He works out his aggression on a puck, not a person. [/quote]

“working out aggression” on a physical object or is a nice idea for a parenting blog but actual research shows it does not work for aggression. my guess that playing hockey seems to help due to focus, breathing, movement and just the change of location.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735824000357[/quote]

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