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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m disappointed but not surprised to see there’s only ineffective “gentle parenting” type advice on here, and that the ped also recommended non-evidence based approaches like play therapy.

In a word - discipline. You need a more clear cut disciplinary plan at home that uses very effective behavioral techniques. Find a behavioral therapist that specializes in approaches like PCIT.

This assumes that you’re talking about real disruptive behavior (hitting, swearing, throwing things). If he’s just grouchy and rude then the other advice may work. [/quote]

My kid swore, hit, and threw things. This was how he was coping with negative emotions because he didn’t know how else to deal with them. “Discipline” did not work. Punishing and having consequences doesn’t help a child that doesn’t have the skills or experience to respond the way you want them to. You literally have to teach them. We went through a very rough phase and our child (who almost got kicked out of school) dramatically improved with therapy, screen limits, sleep, exercise, validation of negative emotions, and learning new ways to effectively cope with them. [/quote]

The evidence based approach is positive reinforcement, but you need consequences for violent behaviors. BTDT.  “Validation of negative emotions” doesn’t really work if your kid is actively trying to bite or punch you or another child. [/quote]

It works in conjunction with teaching them what to do instead of biting or punching. Positive reinforcement comes when they do the things you taught them to do when they were angry instead of hitting. Once you validate their emotion, you will find a child willing to listen to what you have to teach. [/quote]

You can’t validate an emotion right after a kid punches you. That’s absurd. Their emotion in that moment is “I want to hit you.” [/quote]

No one has advocated for validating the emotions of a child who is hitting you. The "validation" approaches people have talked involve finding ways to talk about feelings with a child BEFORE the outburst in the hopes that giving a kid regular release valves for negative emotions will prevent the outbursts in the first place.

So: scheduling time every day for a child to tell you about their day (including anything negative that happened and being willing to validate those negative feelings so they feel heard) or providing a child with a journal or a way to express themselves in writing. No one is suggesting that you try and do this with a kid in the midst of a total meltdown. "Here Johnny -- take a break from hitting your brother to write your feelings in this journal and then we'll talk about them!" That would be idiotic and no one has suggested it.[/quote]

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