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[quote=Anonymous][quote]
Anonymous wrote:

Judging the parenting not the twins. I work with identical twins and once you get past their physical characteristics, they are very different and "not the same person".

They both have said their parents and family always treated them as one. Parents thought it was "cute" to keep them as "twins" always.

I am an identical twin. We shared a lot in common. We were both top level D1 scholarship athletes. We went to college 10 miles away. I was heavily recruited by his school but it had large classes and I didn't feel comfortable with my maturity in terms of going to class so went to the private school 10 miles north.

At that point in our lives we had no parents. Father was terrifically abusive and abandoned us. College expenses - in fact any kid expenses were something he assiduously avoided. Mother was a severe addict and out of it - my brother and I were on our own. We raised each other and didn't do very well at it but survived.

Our personalities were shaped by our upbringing. My father never wanted kids and believed my mother trapped him. There may have been some truth to that. I was the second twin - in intensive care for two months after birth. Predicted by doctors to be slow and impaired, which turned out to be the opposite but my presence infuriated my father. I was the less favored son by far, and was raised as fat, dumb and lazy, a constant refrain. Signs were posted throughout the house constantly as to how fat dumb and lazy I was. My father would also post about my sexuality - a bigot he was - although I was straight. My mother went along with this because my father was well off (note he was a terrible student and got kicked out of three schools) and she loved the country club life. She struggled to get through high school and felt trapped.

All of this put huge pressure on my brother to protect me. That he did. Our senior year in high school - we were both in the top 1 percent of our large competitive high school and national champions in our sport. Save for Cal Tech, there wasn't a school which wouldn't accept us and we were highly recruited. We were miserable and frightened though - surviving top level NCAA competition and academics on our own with no support was challenging. My brother was dominant which irked me but make no mistake he led us through this. Eventually a world class PhD economist and investor, he went out of his way to have us avoid debt. Oddly, although the slightly better student (phi beta kappa in math) by the time grad school rolled around I may have done better. It took a lot of work to shed the fat dumb and lazy narrative. Our dynamics never changed though.

There were lots of reasons to avoid my father, but his hostility towards our education was significant. He hated that I did so well. I didn't talk to him for the last three decades of my life. I had my brother and that was enough. I called him four times a week.

Our differences manifested in unexpected ways. He never forgave my mother. He gave her money but just couldn't talk to her or forgive her. I did forgive her and tried to be the best son I could. I never got her to break her addictions or be an adult - her death was sad and she wanted to die.

In any event my brother died this summer. In my circumstance it is like losing a parent and brother. Logically I am well prepared to do the adult thing and will do well. Emotionally though I feel alone. The consequence of having a great twin brother.[/quote]

I am so sorry for your huge loss. I am also an identical twin (sister) in my 60's. I too feel and have always felt a bigger emotional connection to my sister than to our parents (and, yes, my parents were stretched in many ways so having each other was a true blessing). We are both still alive and I text or talk to her daily.

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