Reply to Moved into house and husband doesn’t seem interested in doing house projects

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi all - OP here. Thanks for the responses. Some were a bit harsher than I expected but I'm actually glad that this is perhaps in part more of a "me problem". At least I can change myself even if I can't change him.

We do have a young kid, and while we are new to homeownership we are not new to marriage. We rented in a condo before and did not have to do repairs ourselves and didn't have that much space to decorate so we didn't really focus on it. When I say "decorate" - I don't mean painting the walls or any renovations (yet) - I just mean finding some art to hang, finding ways to organize things, getting some extra furniture that would look nice, upgrading old lights, etc. It's not just a "hobby" - it's work! But I want my house to look nice and [b]that's something he gets to enjoy too[/b] (and I know he wants to get a say in it and doesn't want me to just do everything without his input).

We haven't lived in the house long but I'm already feeling like the "house stuff" is very disproportionately falling on me. We don't have a ton of free time because of work and taking care of our child. When there is free time, he spends it on his hobbies and I'm spending it on "house stuff". Which could encompass decorating but also doing research to see what kind of maintenance we need, or small things we could upgrade (like making it more a smart home - that kind of thing).

Part of it is he also generally lives on a different timeline than me. I'm more of a "doer". Like, I will do things quickly or really focus on do a bunch of stuff, whereas he's fine with taking his time. When he executes on things, he does it well, so I'll give him that. But I often have to wait around for a while before he actually does it.

As for repairing stuff and hiring stuff out, I'm totally fine with hiring, but I'd also want him to proactively find someone to do the work. Which isn't happening.

I don't want "house stuff" to be my thing. It's not like he does "all" the cooking or cleaning or childcare either such that it would feel fair. We try to split up that other stuff. We also both have busy jobs and contribute equally financially. So now that we have a house, which comes with a lot of extra work, I don't want it to all fall on me just because it's not a priority for him.

I like the idea of having a list "must dos" and having an adult conversation where I tell him what needs to be done and discuss how to divide it up. And maybe accepting that the "decorating" part will be my thing (though should he really get an approval right if he's not going to lift a finger to do any of it unless i ask?)

[/quote]

Maybe not though. Some people, men and women, couldn't care less if their house was decorated as long as they had somewhere to sit down and sleep. This is your problem - you think he cares about the same things you do. [/quote]

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