Reply to Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH has a similar build and also works out regularly and is still probably 15-20 lbs overweight. I still find him attractive though - and he knows it, so that helps. I have mentioned the belly fat to him though because it is a major health issue - and that is how I explain it. That I love him and want him to be healthy and he takes it fine, though he's frustrated with himself. Its ok to share health concerns with a spouse, but its everything else that perhaps you need to work on. [/quote]

New poster. This, above, is well and kindly phrased.

Listen to it, OP. You already know you blew this whole topic by making it even partially about (1) social/work impact, which you cannot really prove (maybe he perceives no impact on him especially professionally, and isn't that his call and not yours?) and (2) sex. Yes, it does affect how you feel about having sex but you didn't need to say it; on that front, to be blunt, try some new positions.

If you'd stuck to health, especially since he's a doctor, you could have appealed to him on that level only. I would have a sit-down talk with him, apologize profusely for the whole approach you took, admit that you made much of it about your perceptions around people's weight in general and not about him and his health. Ask the question, "How can I fix this?" of him, not us. I do think you should offer to start an exercise and eating program WITH him, both of you doing the same things. I would not institute any charting or insistence on specific weight goals or time frames etc. That might only make him entirely resistant to trying anything new.

I say this as someone whose DH is getting close to retirement and who has developed a belly, which worries me on a health level greatly. I've told him frankly I want him to get healthier and want us [i]both[/i] to build more stamina, so we can enjoy a really long retirement together. Weight re: social or professional anything has never once entered my mind.
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