Reply to Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours. 
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him. 
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way. 
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this?? [/quote]

I had to have this talk with my DH too. I didn't say anything about weight loss drugs but I did couch it in needing to be healthy as we age and I did tell him it was affecting our sex life (and he expected me to be just as enthusiastic.) He was also hurt at first but got over it quickly. His habits have changed a ton, I know he is still sensitive about eating certain things because he has a huge sweet tooth.

FWIW I do NOT think these are petty concerns. I don't think this is much different than a spouse who drinks too much. It does affect our respect for them.  In terms of how to handle it going forward I would emphasize the health aspects and the importance of remaining healthy for the future. It sounds like you bruised his ego and he is being a baby about it, so you may have to baby him some.  I know this is not attractive either.  [/quote]

It is sad that a man having feelings is still unattractive. You are perpetuating toxic masculinity there.[/quote]

Feelings are one thing, pouting is another.[/quote]

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