Reply to Svelte teen girls -- being the ugly duckling in a school of swans

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[quote=Anonymous]I feel your DD’s discomfort, OP. I was short, pale and busty in a time when there weren’t great sports bras for large-chested, small people and when spray tanning wasn’t really a thing. I went to a school full of tall, svelte, tan, flat-chested girls. It honestly sucked because I was dropped into a world that made it clear that I didn’t belong.

Leaving aside the weight and activity stuff, Op, it’s time to think about belonging. No matter how badly we want to belong to certain communities, they don’t want us and are quietly structured to say “these are the kind of people who we want around us.” Whether it’s ordering t-shirts all in one size, or a spirit day outfit that doesn’t work for girls who need actual bras, a required hairstyle that only works for one hair type, or a school uniform that doesn’t work for certain builds, there are quiet ways to showcase some and exclude others. It’s usually not even conscious but that doesn’t exclude it.

When I tried dating and meeting people in groups with my friends post-college and was surrounded by tall, rich, tan, svelte girls and the men who were interested in them, I finally understood assortative mating- and how my homogenous HS classmates came to be.

Find a place for your DD where there are girls of every type. If it’s too late for that to happen by changing schools, look at teams and clubs and find the most varied group of girls- we can’t tell you what that might be at your school but crew and track aren’t bad places to start. Find something outside of school, too. Don’t bang your head against a wall and try to fit in.[/quote]

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