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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dealing with eldercare is so hard, so I feel for you, OP. And I have a big family. I can't imagine as an only.

I will add that while this might not be the case without your aunt and uncle, years ago my DH asked my FIL's girlfriend to help after FIL's surgery since we weren't in town. (I get that this isn't an apples to apples analogy.) While she did it, she laid into my DH after the fact saying how it was presented to her as she had no option but to do it. My DH was totally in the wrong to assume that the longtime gf would be happy to care for FIL.

I wonder if there was some miscommunication with your relatives, as in they felt you assumed they would do it.

This isn't in anyway throwing shade, because all of this is hard and hugely emotional. Just wanted to throw that out there as food for thought.[/quote]

Op here- perhaps I am hugely naive and immature, but yes I assumed that my aunt and uncle who I have celebrated every holiday with from age 0-18 and who had me to their house many many weekends a year for my whole childhood would be willing to do minor labor to help me out during a very very stressful period. I have young children and live many hours away. They live in the neighborhood. I would do these things for my neighbors if they asked me, even though we are not family. Family cannot be asked to help each other or to be counted on when they say they will do something?

Lesson learned for sure, but seriously this is so upsetting and makes me want to go move to the woods alone (with my kids and DH of course)[/quote]

I'm the PP you're responding to. I hear you. Since my FIl's passing (which after the whole gf situation happened I stepped in and my DH traveled to be with his dad and help, and was at his dad's side when he passed) I've now been through several elderly relatives' deaths along with my dad's. What I have learned is that many people simply do not have, or want to have, the capacity to deal with people's challenging situations. Unless it is their own, in which they have to deal.

All to say, that taking care of my dad at the end nearly killed me. And I've had to accept that at some level there isn't much support. I find it sad and frankly a little terrifying. But you will do yourself a favor to let go of the anger. It only hurts you. This will get harder before it's over, more than likely. I spent a lot of time angry at people who wouldn't do what I thought they should do. And truly it only hurt me and my health.

Sending you a giant hug. I wish you could just sell the house and move your mom to a facility closer to you. That's what we've done for my mom.  [/quote]

Thank you for your kindness. I will screen shot this and return to it for reference. I will try to let go of the anger as I know I have bigger fish to fry. Thank you for the kind response and if you are a praying person please pray for me that my mom dies quickly and peacefully when it is her time and that I have the strength and ability to manage everything I need to. [/quote]

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