Reply to Help my DD figure out what to say to her possibly racist frenemy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: you are getting a lot of low class advice that recommends confronting the girl with some type of comment. Don't do this. Don't allow your daughter to lower herself.

The correct response is to ignore any such comments and to avoid any further associations or interactions with this rude, insensitive individual. If necessary, this may involve speaking to the teacher or school principal in order to avoid your daughter being paired with this girl again.[/quote]

This thread is wild. So many posters insisting that the really important thing is not to make a big deal! No drama!

How do you think racism becomes entrenched? It goes without confrontation. The community accepts it and tells the victim to “get over it,” or “it was just a joke,” or engages in whataboutism. shoutout to the woman from California. People asking if everyone from California is blonde is exactly the same thing as living with systemic racism.

OP, I have a now grown multi-racial child who looks white although she is very substantially not white. Our experience is different than yours; she has privilege, but she also hears appalling things that wouldn’t be said if people knew her ethnicity, and she gets:
“Oh, I never would have known, you’re so beautiful!”
“Well, you’re not really X!”

Our strategy when she was younger was firm questioning. In the first example, she would respond, “Why do you think [ethnicity] people aren’t beautiful? Do you think only white people are beautiful?” In the second, she would say “Why do you think it’s ok to decide what I am?”

Usually the answers were a mix of sputtering and trailing excuses. DD ended the conversations with, “What you said was racist. Don’t say things like that to me.” Depending on the person, she would change the subject or walk away. For her, it has always been about not allowing micro aggressions or insults to go unchallenged, and taking control of the conversation.

If your daughter is ready, you can role play how she wants to respond. [/quote]

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