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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "At what point do you just admit defeat and cheat"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH is uninterested in sex. I need it like I need air. I never thought of myself as a cheater, but I’m feeling so desperate. I’m so sick of constantly getting rejected and it’s killing me. [/quote]. I’d try to raise it in couples counseling if you haven’t, as a last ditch effort, it might flush out some hidden issue that could be dealt with. But if you’ve given him reasonable notice that you need more sex, and he isn’t doing anything to help it, I say do what you need to do. … and if you’ve raised the issue again and again and he has don’t nothing to change the situation, I think that is [b]tacit consent. [/b] [/quote] This. If you’ve made yourself heard, clearly, and DH isn’t able or willing to fix things, then you have your answer. He doesn’t value sex and his revealed preference is that he is unconcerned about your sex life. You might even have this conversation explicitly, but you’re certainly having it implicitly. It won’t be cheating if there’s every expectation that he should know and if you don’t lie or try to hide it. [/quote] This. If you’ve made yourself heard, clearly, and DH isn’t able or willing to fix things, then you have your answer. He doesn’t value sex and his revealed preference is that he is unconcerned about your sex life. You might even have this conversation explicitly, but you’re certainly having it implicitly. It won’t be cheating if there’s every expectation that he should know and if you don’t lie or try to hide it. [/quote] There is no such thing as tacit consent. Consent is explicit or it is not consent. Tacit consent is …. She was wearing slutty clothes that said “f@#k me” so she consented. Be better than that. Go to counseling. Say that you want to negotiate terms to open the marriage. Be prepared that he might want to sleep with other people if you are going to do that. Decide on the basis of explicit negotiation what you can live with - no sex, sex with someone other than each other and new negotiated terms to the marriage moving forward, or divorce. There is absolutely no need to cheat. [/quote]
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