Reply to I Opened Pandora's Box

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[quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am not dramatic. What I am is ashamed of my actions. I know better than to engage in going back down memory lane- yet I did it anyway. I feel it was very disrespectful to my husband, and for that I am sorry.

I had a terrible time last night dealing with the guilt. Especially when he called me to say that he loved me and he couldn't wait to see me later on. Now he always does that, but something about last night felt different. I felt like he was saying that because he knew.

I am not going to flame the asbistence posters because I agree. I hope that maybe the advice helps someone else, but as for me right now, I know that I made mistakes in the past and there is nothing I can do to change that.

For the poster who asked if things were always this way. Well we did not do that before marriage, so there really wasn't any way to judge that. And if you would have told me, I wouldn't have cared.

Yes, I have been with someone other than my husband. Yes, I am ashamed. Yes, I feel even worse that I allowed
this person to consume my mind in this way. My thoughts are just vulgar. I love my husband very much and have no desire to be in a relationship with my ex. But my mind thinks I would like to have sex with him.

I ask myself, could I even really do that? I don't think I could. But I kind of want to. These thoughts are really distracting me. I mean REALLY distracting me. It's not about paying bills or getting used to the person- it's really about sex plain and simple. One does nothing for me at all. The other has me hot and bothered just thinking about it. One is very conservative in that area. The other is not.

I am in the wrong, and I acknowledge this. This is no reason to make me feel worse about it. This is shocking to me because I never thought I could be typing something like this. [/quote]

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