Reply to First Time Parents: How to share responsibilities when only mom gets leave

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[quote=Anonymous]1)  Split up the night wakings and exhaustion, either with pumped milk (I could actually usually get enough just using a Haakaa-type catcher on the other breast while nursing, but YMMV) or formula (EBF is very over-rated compared to the actual evidence, especially when they're getting at least some breastmilk.)

2)  Divide up who's on point when during the hours he's home-- he should be the primary parent in charge at least half the time (up to you if you want it to be i.e. Saturday is his day and Sunday is yours, or shorter stretches of time, but don't make it so short it's hard to remember who's the primary parent when.)  Some of that time you can all be together but he should be the one who changes diapers, comforts a crying baby, etc when it's his time on the clock.  And some of that time you should be in a separate room, in the yard, or some other place where you get a break and he gets the time to get used to parenting without help.  If he hasn't done this much before, you should absolutely expect it will be bumpy at first, but he can't give up and you can't jump in and "rescue" them... unless he is like being abusive (in which case you have bigger problems), it is absolutely worth it for baby to cry a litttle longer or miss a few naps or have to hear Dad talking in a frustrated voice or whatever else "he doesn't do as well as you", for the long-term payoff of ending up with two skilled, engaged parents.  You have to let them find their own way together, and the longer you wait the harder it will get.  It's really important to set the groundwork of being two equal parents-- not one default parent and one who "helps" when he's told what to do-- as soon as you can.[/quote]

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