Reply to Elders sometimes become abusive toward those they were closest to, so please don't insert yourself

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You’ve never seen a nice elder turn nasty? How many have you cared for? This is a very common dynamic with elders who lose significant autonomy and/or have a lot of anger in their dementia. Who do they take it out on? Their safest people. It really is hard but it’s also not something they can control. I’ve been that safe person more than once and it isn’t easy. But I didn’t join the NC cult either.[/quote]

I'm on the 3rd elder. Mine don't/didn't have dementia. Two were worried about others until the last day, one has always been selfish and nasty, especially towards the young and powerless (for some reason, especially females). A lot of elders don't have dementia. They still get old and helpless. I don't think people go NC with dementia patients, they may distance if it becomes unbearable or unsafe, which is normal. Why would you put your own family (kids) in danger? NC/LC normally happens way earlier, from my experience usually when people have their own kids and the reality hits them in the face. It's the realization of how can someone do this/that to a little kid?! I agree with the PP that it doesn't have to be a parent, can be an elderly spouse and I completely understand. These behaviors escalate over the years and don't happen overnight. And yes, these people can be SO nice to outsiders. In the end, you can call NC a cult if you want, you cannot judge others as you don't know their circumstances. If NC makes them better parents and allows their kids to have a better childhood -- you know what, I'm all for it.[/quote]

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