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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having been raised in an unhappy family and from what I see now as an adult, I think that the vast majority of time, both parents are problematic. There isn't one good parent and one bad parent. Maybe one parent is less shi**y than then other but they both have flaws and lack the insight to minimize damage to the kids. [/quote]

Exactly. I’m the poster who at age 50 that can look back and see that perhaps my mom really was weighing her choices carefully and doing her best. But her decision to stay was also based on her own messiness that led to a bunch of toxic nonsense from her also. It certainly didn’t feel like she was carefully considering er children. And she was a fabulous mom in many ways. But man, I hate looking back at how we were in the middle of their nonsense.

I begged to be able to live with my grandmother my last two years of high school to get away from BOTH of them, but they would not let me. As soon as I graduated college, I moved to NYC and saw them for just a few days at Xmas and thanksgiving. I was “gray rocking” then decades before I knew the term.[/quote]

If you knew anything about the U.S. family court system you’d know that your abusive spouse will be right there abusing you via your children or more, once divorced and 50/50 coparenting. [/quote]

Well of course I’m aware of that in my 50s, but your average teen isn’t going to get it. That is why I said that perhaps my mom was weighing her options and making what seemed like the best choice. But, it wasn’t the best choice when she lost her shit over the jelly jar not being put back on and would tell me and my sisters “that’s it, I’m calling the lawyer and divorcing” and then, not doing that. Or getting tipsy and crying to us about the toxic wasteland of her marriage. She was a mess, and it impacted us. And I generally agree with the view that a lot of times both partners are a mess and this is why kids don’t always “choose the right side.”[/quote]

Not sure how frequenting she was breaking down like that but lots of parents flip their kid once in awhile at bad luck or their own spouse or their kid. 
The key is to talk it out. 
A mom saying sometimes that she’s in a bad marriage is better than not saying anything. Or did you go on to marry someone like your father? [/quote]

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