Reply to Blended Family Expenses

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Blended/Married for 8 years with two biological elementary aged kids and a 22yo step-child in college. Have separate finances with agreed expenses paid by both spouses. Spouse is determined to cover step-child expenses in college (car payments, insurance, housing, and part
of tuition expenses), but can’t really afford to do so anymore and is constantly asking me to pay some of their fair share of bills. Basically, we’re both struggling financially just to float college expenses. Step-child works once a week or sometimes once in two weeks to cover their own utilities/groceries. When I mentioned that being in classes three times a week, leaves another three days to work a part-time job…..is met with resentment/silence by spouse. I am at a point where I am doing everything on my own and covering our bio kids expenses without any financial contribution from my spouse. There are other issues in marriage on top of this one such as baseless infidelity accusations, emotional abuse, and etc. I am thinking of separating from my spouse, because of all of these issues….Will going to a marriage counselor help alleviate some of the issues or should I just say “f-it” and file? I am willing to try marriage therapy though. [/quote]

Will this pass since the stepchild is 22?  Or do you anticipate your DH will continue to cover car payments, insurance, and housing into young adulthood?  How do you feel about only seeing your biological kids 50% of the time?  These are some initial questions.

In my opinion, you should always try therapy before ending a marriage, even if you're pessimistic about its ability to improve things.  Do it for yourself so that if you leave, you feel 100% good about the decision and that you gave your marriage your best shot.

In the meantime, some better boundaries should be set and enforced.  Depending on the children's expenses, he needs to pay his share of living expenses and your mutual.  He can help his adult child with whatever is left over after he covers those costs.  If you don't know how to enforce boundaries like that within your marriage, I suggest also seeing an individual therapist.  Many women, such as my mom, have zero boundaries in their relationships and get run over by their spouses.  You may be part of the problem because you don't know how to set and enforce boundaries in your marriage.  [/quote]

OP—I have firm boundaries in my marriage and will not cover unpaid bills for my spouse (his agreed expenses). The expectation is for him to stop paying these expenses once my step-child graduates from college in two years. They’re on their own from there. I will bring up to marriage counselor that this is a major issue in our marriage and the step-child can work more to cover their living expenses. My spouse was a single parent with sole custody, the other parent has severe mental illness and is not in the picture financially.[/quote]

You’re kind of terrible. [/quote]

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