Reply to The End of Feminism? Young Men Prefer Traditional Gender Roles

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a working woman with a husband who does 50/50 at home and is supportive of my career.

However if I could do it all over again I would look for a more traditional marriage with gender roles.

The vast majority of women seemed to get screwed over working a man’s job and also being a wife and mom. Now there is an expectation that a woman has a demanding career and do everything at home. [/quote]

Agree women get screwed by this because men don't do their fair share at home. But being a SAHM and housewife doesn't solve it (I've done both).

If your partner refuses to contribute to childcare or housework, you work two shifts no matter what. If you stay home, you work all day caring fur kids and the house and then when your spouse comes home you continue to take care of the kids while also attending to your spouse's needs. If you don't make money you also have to be accountable to him for the money you spend on these activities, and since doesn't do it himself if is easy for him to discount or argue with how much things like kids' shoes and kitchen appliances and food should cost.

But yeah if you work you wind up in a similar boat working a double shift and also probably you make less (you need a flexible job because you're the primary parent and have do many duties outside work)so your job is always treated as an annoyance instead of, you know, a job. BUT at least you make money. You will have more economic power which gives you options. Maybe the option to leave if you decide you can share custody with this man who refuses to care for his own children or home. At a minimum more power to make economic decisions in the household, especially related to your heavy household duties.

They both suck but unless you make less than childcare costs (which many women do-- I didn't have a second child specifically because it would have made it more expensive to work and childcare would have been viewed as "my" expense) it's better to work in a marriage like this because it gives you some kind of leverage.

But I think the real key is not to marry men who refuse to care for their own children or their own homes. That solves a bunch of problems off the bat. If you have an equal partner then you two can figure out what makes the most sense in terms of both your careers or if it makes sense for one of you to stay home or be PT or what. But you need to people who both view raising kids and taking care of your home as fully a joint responsibility. Without that women get effed no matter what they do while men get a bunch of free labor.[/quote]

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