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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our teen was recently diagnosed with adhd, anxiety and a processing disorder. The teen struggles and doesn't realize how much and the impact. Despite talking with the doctor and family, the teen is rebelling against a 504 plan.

How did you get your in denial teen to come around? [/quote]

Is the teen unhappy?

Does the teen want help?

Does the teen want you to help?

What does the teen want to do?

[/quote]

He lacks self awareness so it's hard to say. He was very unhappy and depressed this time last year. We've made so many strides. He's playing a sport again, the social opportunities are starting to come around again, he is taking better care of himself now etc. It was definitely some sort of slump, I'm hesitant to call it depression because so much of it is linked to self-image and confidence. I think the tutoring helped him feel a lot more confident in the classroom too.

He's a much more confident kid, but has a long way to go and we want to encourage him to have a better outlook on mental health, not the negative and stigmatized view mom has impressed upon him.

Obviously we can't force him to engage or change his mind, but you can bet that we're going to do our homework on how we can best support him in our home, including offering him to stay with us as often as he wants and encouraging more time here in a healthier environment.
[/quote]

the more you express this as a battle between you and “bio mom” to prove your superiority, the less you are going to help. just … let go of your beliefs about “bio mom” and the need to be correcting what she does. she’s his mom and he loves her, no matter what her flaws might be. And, you need a BIG BIG does of humility wrt believing that you know what’s best and exactly what to do. Because I’m telling you, NONE of us SN Moms know that. No matter how much money we spend, no matter how much we seek out the “best” therapy or the right thing to say.

My xDH has a very different take on our kid’s SN and although at times it has been very upsetting to feel like he’s undermining my hard work or has a viewpoint that doesn’t conform to conventional wisdom, I’ve had to step back and check myself numerous times. Because parts of his perspective are totally valid; and some of what he brings to the table as a parent is incredibly valuable to our kid’s development and things that I might completely overlook while I focus on therapy, IEPs, etc.

And no matter how much I disdain my xDH for many very good reasons, he’s my child’s father and loves him like noone who is not a parent can. So barring some kind of actual medical danger, I would never, ever try to exploit our disagreements about SN/mental health to extract more custody time. In fact I consider that breathtakingly unethical and wrong. Check yourself, OP. [/quote]

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