Reply to Anxious and introverted four year old won't participate in anything

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, we struggled with my super anxious, introverted, super active boy, too. The thing is he NEEDED to be active and really wanted to, too, but was the kind of anxious where he would shut down and refuse to participate. When I say that I tried everything, you should take that almost literally. (And to address the many PPs' concerns, I also spent hours a day at play grounds, free swim, free gym, and hiking in woods.)

The key for us was having my husband be the soccer coach. My presence was still required because he STILL struggled with participation at times. But then, if he ended up in a tree, I could go follow him and redirect him. Not only was his comfort level so much higher with his dad coaching, but if he sat out half the practice, we didn't feel responsible that he was misbehaving or adding too much of a burden on some other volunteer.

We also did a lot of behind the scenes encouragement. Talking about soccer, kicking the ball around in the backyard, inviting teammates over (of course I hosted all playdates for above reasons), and generally trying to be very calm and cheerful and low-pressure about the endeavor. ALso, very important, modeling making mistakes and messing up and laughing about it or just calmly talking through it.

The thing that some PPs may not realize is that kids who act like this often desperately want to participate. My son did and was upset and mortified when he didn't and creating a terrible pattern that we wanted to break. This took HUGE effort on our part -- I didn't mention that my son was the oldest of three at that age (and by 6, the oldest of four) so I was always wrangling little ones. But it totally worked! He ended up loving soccer, playing travel, and becoming very good! More importantly, he made friends, he got over his fears, he built confidence, he found a lifelong activity that he loves and shares with others.

Best of luck, OP. I know how hard it is.[/quote]

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