Reply to The One That Got Away Passed Away

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[quote=Anonymous]
I think some PPs missed your follow-up where you said you weren't going to contact his widow/significant other, OP. That's the right call on your part.

I do understand the initial impulse, especially if you have long had regrets about the end of that relationship, but contacting her is wrong for her, for you, and for his memory. Be glad you chose not to get in touch. You have no idea what she does or doesn't know (and does or doesn't WANT to know) about his past. Believe me when I say that contacting her could truly unsettle or even upset her badly in her grief. My relative died suddenly and a never-heard-of ex contacted his widow, who was not at all in a good place mentally to deal with it. It only added to her pain that she found out, after he was gone, that she didn't know him as well as she thought she did.

An ex of mine died about a year after we ended things, so I get how this news is so disorienting. Definitely talk to someone who knew you as a couple if you can. Or maybe donate to a cause you think he'd approve of, a charity he'd like, based on what he was interested in when you knew him. But NO "in memory of, a donation has been made" card from the charity to the widow, though. Please [i]don't[/i] do that. Just donate and know in your heart it was on his behalf. It will be an action, a gesture you can make, since you can't attend a funeral that's already over. [/quote]

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