Reply to At what point is a teen "spoiling the nest" (before college) going too far?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are living this right now as well.
Rules we have put in place.
If she can't  pick up sibling such that I need to do it, there is no using the car that day.  
If clothes are not put away, we do not "give back" clean clothes that somehow found the way into the hall hamper.
We sat down and spoke about financial expectations - my DD decided not to work this summer - fine - we are not providing spending $ beyond the small allowance that she has always had. Not giving money for gifts for friends birthday gifts, starbucks habit etc.  
When she decided not to get a job, I wrote on a piece of paper the agreement and she signed it.  Is is taped up on the wall so we are all on the same page.[/quote]

She has a job at the country club and saves every cent. She has a lot of money for her age in the bank. And she constantly picks up shifts to make more money. It's also a convenient excuse for everything. I can't do ___, gotta work. Sorry I didn't do ___, so tired from work.

If we consider punishing her, we get guilt tripped that she had good grades and has a job and we don't know how lucky we are. Other parents often tell us this. Can't win.[/quote]

My kid is getting ready to go back for her sophomore year of college.

Something you didn’t mention is that both you and your DH have anxiety about her leaving and all that entails.

Coupled with her anxiety about leaving home the situation is just hard right now.

The truth is within a few weeks she will be coming and going as she pleases at school, and she won’t be around to pick up your younger kids. You need to start to adjust yourselves to the change and accept and realize it’s harder than you thought.

If you need the car then tell her she will need to make other arrangements to get to school. Doesn’t matter what job she has it’s still work / a job and not free time.  Don’t factor her into future summer plans for your younger kids. Is you are bitter about the phone tell her to get her own phone plan. If her room is a mess than close the door. In a few weeks you will go in and end up cleaning anyway once she is gone[/quote]

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