Reply to Discipline and your spouse - if one person is much more strict...

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I really feel for your situation. I don't have any great advice, but I want to tell you that I am kind of like your DH.  My dad was also like this - he didn't have any coping skills for dealing with being very stressed, frustrated, or angry - he had no skills for dealing with these emotions and he would lash out and act like a child.  I find myself doing the same things with my own kids.  I can easily see that I have no coping skills when the going gets tough -- just like my dad. If things are going smoothly, I am the most loving person, and very kind - if you met me on the street you would never imagine that I could be so mean to my kids, that I have yelled at them, even screamed at them...that I have picked my 3YO up very roughly by the arm out of anger...It sounds like your DH is the same.  Although there is no excuse for the behavior, speaking as someone who does it, it is very, very hard to change.  I don't know whether your DH realizes there is a problem or not....if he doesn't, then that's going to be more of a challenge...but for me, I know I have this problem, and I know that I need to fix this NOW.  I see a therapist regularly and she has given me some breathing exercises, and little tricks to notice when I am starting to lose control and how to stop it before it starts. I was skeptical about whether therapy could help me, at first, but it really has helped. 
It is really important to get this fixed ASAP.  Like other PPs, my father's behavior ruined our lives, and our relationships with him.  You don't want that to happen with your DH.  Best of luck to your family.  I know that this is very hard.[/quote]

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