Reply to I do things for people that they wouldn’t do for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the PP that's being labeled a taker.

OP (and others like her) don't know how to ask for what you want?

"Ask and you shall receive" has been a mantra in personal life and career. Others can't read your mind if you don't ask for it![/quote]

My sister told me this exact thing…in fact she said, the kindergartners in my school know they need to ask if they need help…so why don’t I do it. It stung so bad. I am in my late 40s..and have only realized in the last 5-6 years that how my behavior and helping others was perceived as people pleasing. I see my own DD doing that and it is upsetting, because her school friends treat her the same, with unkindness.

IMHO there are two things:

1. The world loathes people are truly kind and helpful. Starting in ES, I have noticed that kids who are bullies, unhelpful, unkind. Call themselves”popular” are the ones that succeed. Their parents are generally the same personality, so they have teachers on their side. These are PTA high level moms, so their kids get all the opportunities, of speaking in stage, photos in the year end book etc etc.

2. There is a smaller proportion of moms ( and das) that teach their child to be kind and respectful in the last few decades, than in the past. This leads to more bullying starting at preschool level, in neighborhood playgrounds etc. Children that don’t fight back,talk back or are not disrespectful, are in the minority and mostly considered “ people pleaser” or “loser”.

I feel this may be a location thing too. DMV area is ruthless because the adults are ruthless and then they pass it on to their children.
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Being kind and respectful can be done without people pleasing and bending over backwards and sacrificing yourself. Having boundaries and priorities is a good thing - it doesn't mean you aren't kind or respectful. [/quote]

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