Reply to I do things for people that they wouldn’t do for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I appreciate all of the responses. After reflecting and reading, I think I have a few issues.

1) I think I am closer to certain “friends” than I am. Example, I would rearrange my day and drive an hour to go to a friend’s event. However, when I have an event, they RSVP yes, but then don’t show up and never say anything about it, yet they still talk to me about other things. They aren’t dodging me. Clearly, they didn’t see it as that important to be there.

2) I have an internal issue where I sacrifice too much for others. It’s almost that I’ll do anything to keep a friendship or not disappoint a friend so that they don’t put me on the back burner. The things that I do for people is far beyond expectation, and when things don’t work out, or if they don’t do the same for me, I am disappointed. If I hadn’t been pressed from the beginning, I wouldn’t be disappointed in the end. Example - a friend wanted to go on a weekend getaway with me and was only available for a specific weekend. I rearranged so many things, paid extra money, and had to cancel another trip to make it happen. A few weeks before, my friend says she can no longer go for a very valid reason. If I had the same reason she had, I would’ve worked it out. She didn’t, and isn’t wrong for it. I am disappointed that it didn’t work out, but more disappointed that I did all of this extra work to make it happen, where I could’ve just said the weekend didn’t work for me in the beginning.

Some people are takers, and I think I’ve done a good job of ridding myself of those types of friends. I’m really beginning to think that I am the problem. [/quote]

Yeah.. I think you need to explore the “people pleaser” in you and maybe some fears of abandonment or of being disliked. I would also suggest not going out of your way to rearrange so much for other people. Although I am generous and go out of my way for others, I also don’t break my back to accommodate everyone. Sometimes I have events and people ask me to change the time or rearrange something specifically for them, and if it’s not a big deal, then sure, I can be flexible. If it’s a pretty big inconvenience, or it impacts other people, then I have hard boundaries. There is kind of an art to balancing when to be generous and when to stay firm in your boundaries so you don’t get taken advantage of.[/quote]

OP here. Thank you. This is helpful. [/quote]

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