Reply to Why do people say its ‘selfish’ to not want kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel that realizing your limitations as a person and deciding not to have kids is one of the most selfless things you can do. IMHO it also requires some serious self-reflection that not many people have.

I feel that oftentimes ppl have kids bc thats what you are supposed to do, or what society tells you to do. Not bc they really desire being a parent and/or are truly capable of being a good parent.[/quote]

I agree with you to a point, but I don’t like the focus on childlessness as always resulting from a person’s recognition of their limitations.

I am childless (despite having dreamed of motherhood and the joys of watching a human emerge into themselves since early childhood) because I was an abused child and I set a very high bar for the kind of man I would be willing to parent with and never found a man who met the mark and never became wealthy enough to do it on my own.

If I won the lottery tomorrow I would foster kids, as at this point I’m too old to responsibly become primary parent to an infant. But I carry grief and always will for missing out on motherhood.

I just wasn’t willing to risk bringing a child into this world who might be abused and I guess I wonder, how on earth is that a manifestation of selfishness?

I also spent the majority of my career in victim advocacy and much of it on behalf of children. Again, how is that selfish?

Please stop making assumptions about why some people don’t have children. For a great many of them it has nothing to do with being selfish.[/quote]

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