Reply to Is cohabitation before marriage a good thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Plenty of people move in together because they think it’s the next step, to save money, to test compatibility. But then it becomes much more difficult to end a relationship once you’ve moved in. It’s no longer just a simple conversation and then moving on with your life. Some couples remain together when they’d otherwise have broken up. Also studies in this century have shown that couples usually are not on the same page when it comes to cohabitation. In heterosexual relationships, women often see it as a step toward marriage while men do not.[/quote]

From my sample size of one, I lived with my first husband before we got married and yes, I did feel like unraveling it all would be such an ordeal so I went along with getting married even though I shouldn't have. He wasn't abusive, he didn't cheat, we just weren't on the same page in terms of what we wanted our life to look like and what we were willing to do to achieve that and I kind of new it before we got married and should have called it off but didn't. I was 26 when we got married and we got divorced (100% my decision) when I was 30, before we had kids.

I never lived with my second husband before we got married mostly due to logistics about our condo and apartment but we spent a lot of time at each other's places and also spent time apart. I feel like I was much more discerning when dating him (I had met my first husband when I was only 21 and he as four years older) and we've been very happily married for 15 years. I can definitely see the benefits of living together, but I also feel like I was able to figure out what I needed to know from not living together the second time, so I think it's more about how/whether you gather information and what you do with it then the sole fact of cohabiting. [/quote]

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